I broke last night, in a similar way to a shattered vase when you hold it together with craft glue. Sure, for a moment, from a distance and with your vision skewed with desperation, it may look the way it used to. But with even the slightest change in weather, the results could be disastrous. None the less that is how I’ve found myself, completely alone and left to pick up the broken pieces of my life.
I may look human from the outside -barely- but I no longer feel like one. I have broken too many times and there are too many parts of me that I can’t put back together. I have lost almost all of my memories and emotions, making pretending almost impossible. My mind is disconnected from my body by a cloud of nothingness, I can feel it when I try to think and when I try to move. Everything is done slowly (if at all) because it constantly holds me back. I’ve been going through the motions for so long in the hopes that I could heal the missing parts of me, but it doesn’t work like that.
I feel… Alien. I don’t know why I use that word, but I have found myself writing it all over my body. Not human, that’s all I can think. Not that it means much, I can’t think of more than one thing at a time anymore anymore. I just feel like I can no longer call myself ‘Mia’ because that’s not who I am.