I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to restart this entry, honestly I don’t even remember. I keep trying to connect with the words, but they are just a reflection of the emptiness I am feeling. How do you convey nothingness by using words? How do you describe the static fog that blocks your mind from any form of feeling? It’s as though everything and nothing is happening at the same time. I can’t tell if I’m thinking too fast to catch a single thought or too slow to make sense of anything. I don’t know how I can possible word something when I don’t have the slightest clue what I’m feeling. So I just find myself writing in circles, getting tripped up by my own words.
No one understands and no one cares, but honestly I don’t blame them. I no longer feel any emotions towards just about anything. I don’t even think I exist. I am nothing but a shell, void of human understanding. I live, but I’m not alive. Maybe it’s best to not care anymore, maybe I was just making everything worse the way I used to be. Now I have no opinions and no one to share them with, maybe now I can just disappear.
I hope so.