I Am Hurting

I often struggle to find words strong enough to convey the way I’m feeling. I could use hurting, in pain, sorrowful or even lacking, but nothing seems to fit quite right…
At this moment I can feel the pressure of my unshed tears building behind my eyes. I can hear the thoughts screaming at me, with their voices so full of anger and hate. I am overwhelmed by the ache in my heart and that loathsome fire in my stomach. This hurt has evolved into too many forms and I am useless to combat it.

I’m not supposed to be like this anymore, constantly in pain. I don’t understand why after all of these years/admissions/medications/therapy I can’t seem to fix myself. If this is all of my own making (wether by self-sabotage or a plea for attention), I should be able to pick myself up. Instead I am stuck, in my mind and in my situation, flicking through a thesaurus in the hopes of defining my pain. Not that words can change the way I feel, but maybe to know that I’m not alone.