Discontent

“I can never tell how distant I am from myself until I try to return. It’s like swimming so far that you can no longer see the shore; eventually even your concept of reality begins to waver.”

The words that were originally destined for this page have been buried in the back of my mind. Todays news seemed to fall like an avalanche and unsurprisingly it has made it impossible for me to find anything. Every thought, feeling and desire is beyond recognition, all I see is pain.

My mind has recently found solace in nothingness. The only way it sees fit to cope is to push me into auto-pilot. Most days I am seemingly unaware of my existence and weeks are slipping right past me. I seem to be losing increasing amounts of time and tangibility is appearing to be out of the question.

Today has put a fork in the road for my brain. Its plans to continue a numb and hollow existence have been cornered like a deer in head lights. Not only am I supposed to comfort someone in pain, but it is expected that I am also feeling emotions of my own. I no longer know what it is I am supposed to do in these situations, I mean I don’t even remember what I did yesterday! If I have a mind, it seems out of my reach. What if this time I’ve let it wander to far? What if it never returns?

But then again, what if it does?

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